DIARY: I Chose to Fly

I cannot believe that I have been alive for almost three decades now. Time does fly so fast and I have nothing but gratitude as each day I get is a gift. Twenty-seven is an interesting age for me and I can say I feel that I have had so many experiences already and they are worth reflecting on. However, I had my special day and I celebrated alone.

Early this year, I have requested for a day off on my birthday because I planned to go out of town, but due to uncontrollable circumstances at work, I went on with my daily grind in the workplace. Therefore, it meant that I celebrated my birthday at work… and that is kinda boring, I know. Yet, I am still thankful for the overload of heartwarming messages and greetings I got from my friends and family.

At the end of my shift, I went to a resto to eat out. It’s one of my favorite restos and I refuse to disclose the name as it is a place where I often go to find a quiet place to chow. As I sat at the table opposite the large west-facing window, overlooking the patio, negative thoughts came flooding into my mind.

I wanted to dwell on traumatic events from my childhood, back to the time I was beaten and abused without mercy to an embarrassing chapter from my youth when I tried too hard to fit in and made a complete fool of myself. I wanted to belt out all the pain and troubles I experienced when I ran away from home for months. I wanted to count all the tears that fell when I gave up schooling to prioritize my siblings simply because I was the least favorite in the family. I had started to ask myself why I spent my whole life trying to prove something and why life had become so difficult for me. Then I looked up.

What I saw was a stunning golden sun gently setting on a distant horizon behind a flock of birds chirping while taking their last flight before bedding down for the night. The world looked so beautiful that time and I was in awe of how the birds effortlessly flew in an environment surrounded by concrete and within a busy city. The birds have a choice and they choose to fly. I then made my choice - to change my thinking game and to let my thoughts fly.

So I recalled one proud moment from my childhood when I was the valedictorian in kindergarten and continued to be a consistent achiever until I graduated from high school. I remembered telling a joke and feeling a surge of pride and accomplishment, that everyone laughed out loud. I also thought back to the days when I aced many interviews and landed the job I wanted, the day I bought my first laptop in time for my online job and blogging life. I remembered how I was able to finance my college schooling in one of GenSan’s top private colleges; I also realized how I have become a strong independent person in the process. All those challenges and hardships I conquered have molded me into who I am now. I worked so hard before and now I can say that I am a better version of me.

My wild imagination stopped when my food was served. But before I took my first bite, I looked around and smiled. I smiled at where my thoughts took me; I smiled as though I had discovered something new and fascinating. My mind has wings and I too could choose to fly.

By then the sun had almost set and the birds had retired for the night and I went home safe and sound. And that is how I celebrated my birthday, I may be alone, but that solitude gave me a world of meaningful realizations.

PS. I had a late night Japanese birthday dinner at Kaizen: Japanese Street Dining, this time with someone so precious. And that was really unexpected. I’ll be posting about it on my next blog.