How It Has Been, Gem?

I was out last week to run some errands and when it was time to take some lunch, I stumbled upon this group of people in a restaurant talking about others who live alone during a pandemic. Talking about how things would end for them if they were in such a situation.

It wasn’t my intention to eavesdrop on their conversion, but I never realized how strong I was going through that while I lost my best friend and job. I even went into serious surgery a few months since the pandemic began.

The funny thing is, people always felt that the pandemic time had gone well for me because I'm the type of person who enjoys living alone and has been self-sufficient in Davao for almost a decade.

The truth is, this pandemic has been awful.

I couldn't adequately lament the death of my best friend since I couldn't get home due to the lack of transportation. I was fired from a position I'd been protecting for more than six years for a single error I didn't make on purpose, not even a month afterward. And with no backup plan in mind, I’m on the verge of a breakdown because I was emotionally unstable most of the time.

This even costs bad decision-making on what should I do next.

After months of wandering around, unemployed, I finally landed a job I thought would be a good step for me to bounce back from how I was before. Things didn’t work out well while working as I’m not used to the new environment.

Not long after, I decided to resign since I’m not in the right element to work and I wouldn’t compromise the quality of my job over something that people would never understand.

I took another break to give myself the right to rest and reflect. The chance to reevaluate my purpose and being.

How has it been for me? It’s never been easy and I've never been okay since.

This is despite having a nice job now and a lovely dog. 

I smiled every single day, but I was never happy.